What You See

When you look at me I bet
all you see is a pretty face.
What you don't see are my eyes.

The eyes that reveal all the pain.
The pain I not only possess,
but the pain I hide from the world.

I hide my pain from the world
that has shunned me and made me afraid.
It has made me afraid to tell the ones I hold close
how I feel
out of fear that they too
will shun me.

When you look at me I bet
all you see is a pretty smile.
What you don't see is that it's a
front.

A front that shelters my pain.
The smile you see allows me to protect myself.
It allows me to save face.

It allows me to deflect the questions
I so despretly wish to ignore.

What you see is the superficial.
You dont see the real me,
the me that society along with myself
wishes to hide.

You don't see
the disturbed individual
that so despretly seeks to leave
this harsh world.

Leave the world where everything
isn't
What you see.

The End

The light that now shines down upon me
is not one that is a ray of hope,
but the means to an end.

Should I walk into my fate,
and run away form my reality?

Should I stay for thoes who love me,
or leave for the sake of humteanity?

Am I that much of a hazard to myself,
or am I just loosing it?

Is the blood really leaking from my veins,
or am I just imagining it?

Finally, I have come to terms
with the fate of my reality
and the light shining on me.

Im leaving for good,
for I believe this is what I need.
The ends to my means.

Tears fill my eyes
as I sit and wait in silence.
Wait for my life to change.
Change in a way
so that I feel no
pain.
The pain I've concealed for so long,
so long that I am no longer
able to contain.
Contain the tears from falling.
Fallimg from the eyes that reveal my struggle.
My struggle to remain on earth.
The place we live in,
the place where I fear I don't belong,
the place where I have no home.
No one to run to,
no one to talk to.
I fear I'm all
ALONE.

A Myth

What seemed to be a myth,
now only existed
in the light
of dark.

What seemed to
make me cry,
now made me
smile.

I became stronger,
mind and body alike.
Almost
insane.

I no longer shreiked
at the sound of thunder,
but anticipated its
every roll.

The loud BOOM
seemed to entice me.

It was as if it were
the 4th of July,
the lightning was my
fireworks.

The excitement alone
had my blood pumping.

My heart beating so hard,
I could not catch my breath,
and I didnt want to.

The adernaline and blood
pumped as though
i were cutting my own flesh,
and watching the blood leak.

What seemed to be a myth,
now only existed in the dark
of my soul.

Is this it

All of my serching may have come to an end,
maybe I'm just giving up
because I've lost all my friends.
Is this it,am I finaly done.
Is this all I have to offer,
has my time really come?

All I've done may have been for nothing,
that empty space I so despretly seeek to fill
may be empty forever.
Is this it, if so God's plan was very clever.
He planned on dealing me this terrible hand,
knowing I'd fold under pressure.
Knowing I wouldn't be able to win this game,
throwing it all away,keeping in all my pain.

If this is the end, I'd have to admit
I've come really far,
even though I had lost all my friends.
I lost some in the worst ways possible,
and the others driffted away.
In the back of my mind,
I secretly wish someone would stay.
Saty with me through the times I thought
I couldnt go on.
And the times I'd wished I'd gone.

Far far away from here,
in a place you couldn't think of.
Or maybe you don't want to.
And quite frankly, I don't blame you.

Im trapped in these thoughts of mine
and I can't help but think.
I don't deserve to be here
and I'm just a waste of skin.
A waste of the air I breathe,
every breath i take.
I sometimes think my entire existance
was just a big mistake.

Now I sit here thinking,
as I'm lying in a ditch.
What have I become,
Is this really it?