Numb

I no longer feel
and I no longer cry.
My heart no longer beats for you
and I don't quite know why.

Although I still feel
a part of me is missing.
Never again will I find myself
wishing.

Wishing you were by my side,
here to keep we warm.
Because I realize now
when your around,
I do the most harm.

I do harm not to others,
but to myself.
This is only because I couldn't
express how i felt.

Now as I express my feelings,
not a tear leaves my eyes.
I don't feel a thing,
so why would I cry.

~My Thoughts~

I don't quite know what I want from you,
and I don't quite know if you care.
You tell me that you still love me,
and you'll always be there.
I can't help but wonder if you're just telling me,
what you think I want to hear.
I wish it wern't so hard for me to express
the way I feel for you,
but know I have fellings deep enough to swim in
and they're all for you.
My love,
pure and true!

All That I Am

I am nothing but a scared
little girl moments away from a
relapse.

Some say my drug of choice
is my blade,
because I am a sadest.

In truth,
My drug of choice is anything that brings
pain driven by my desire to
forget.

To forget any and everything from
my past
that has caused me to hurt myself.

Honestly,
all that I am is a mystery.
Even to me!

My Eyes

They say the eyes are the window to the soul,
But why doesn't anyone see the pain mine hold.
Does everyone just ignore me and brush me to the side.
Or does everyone keep quiet to shelter my pride.
My eyes give away so much more than my words
because what you see, is much more than you heard.
The tears that fall from these eyes give away much more than pain.
They also allow you to see the complete and utter disdain.
Held for the life i live deep down inside,
only being revealed through
My Eyes.

Because of My Past

Beacause of you my past,
I can never look forward to the future
for I fear there is no future for me
without you in it.

Beacause of you my past,
I will continue to hurt
the ones that come after you,
including myself.

Beacause of you
every relatinship that came after you
has ended in turmoil
and I miss you even more.

Because of you my past
I dred seeing you
for I fear nothing but tears
will fill my eyes.

Because of you my past,
I will remember you forever
and love no one
like I've loved your before.

Because of my past.

The Tear

The tear that rolls down my cheek
releases nothing but pain.
It releases all the pain I've kept
concealed for all these years.

I've kept it concealed out of fear.
Fear that the ones I hold close,
would shun me
just as so many have done before.

Left to confide in myself
using a blade to take away all
that has caused me pain.

Left with every thought of
the ones who gave me life,
dripping with disdain.

Left with one tear rolling
down my cheek as the
cycle begins again.

What You See

When you look at me I bet
all you see is a pretty face.
What you don't see are my eyes.

The eyes that reveal all the pain.
The pain I not only possess,
but the pain I hide from the world.

I hide my pain from the world
that has shunned me and made me afraid.
It has made me afraid to tell the ones I hold close
how I feel
out of fear that they too
will shun me.

When you look at me I bet
all you see is a pretty smile.
What you don't see is that it's a
front.

A front that shelters my pain.
The smile you see allows me to protect myself.
It allows me to save face.

It allows me to deflect the questions
I so despretly wish to ignore.

What you see is the superficial.
You dont see the real me,
the me that society along with myself
wishes to hide.

You don't see
the disturbed individual
that so despretly seeks to leave
this harsh world.

Leave the world where everything
isn't
What you see.